5 Days Weekends And 2 Days Weekdays

How I wished it worked this way in reality.

Who doesn't want to have a 5 days weekend? You can sleep, rest, go out all you want for 5 days, and then just work, study or train for 2 days only?

It will be so much fun, training only for 2 days, and rest for the next 5 days with no guilt and allowing ourselves to completely recover physically and mentally.

Yea right, the chances of this happening is rather saddening. It's not impossible, but the probability is as good as George W. Bush re-elected as the next president of the United States.

See, I gave Mr Bush a chance you know! How kind I am!

I'm just giving myself an excuse on not wanting to go back. Thinking of going back really stinks.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

It's All In The Mind

Writing an extra post! The original one is below this one, duh!

I think what people say is right. It's all in the mind.

When we face an obstacle in life, our first thought is always the most important.

If the first thought is positive, like "I can do it!" Even though you can't for the first attempt, but if you keep trying and keep telling yourself you can do it, means you can.

If the first thought is negative, like 'Die la, I can't do it la!" Of course you can never do it!

I had this obstacle which I told myself I'll never clear it. It's called the wall. From young, I can never clear it, no matter how hard I try I can never do it. Until I was told on how to do it properly, then I told myself I can do it!

And yes, in 2 attempts, I did it.

Lesson learn, if I want to do pull up I must not give up. It's the only thing that stops me between gold and fail.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

1 Degree Could Change The World

They often say 6 degrees raise in global temperature can change the world so much. Famine, thirst, heatstroke, floods and etc. So many evil things that could have happen, but have you ever thought about what happen if there was only a slight increase in the temperature only?

Let me tell you, even 1 degree could really change a person a lot. Just ask those who experience moving to and fro 2 places week in, week out just a mere degree difference in temperature, for example yours truly.

Being in a place one degree hotter than what we experienced is itself an experience. Wait, I know the phrasing sounds weird, but let me explain.

You see, we train very hard under the hot sun day in, day out, even under the rain we would also train (rain doesn't mean thunderstorm) On any day, you can just look ahead and see mirages on the road, or even the heatwave. It's really scary.

At night, once everything's over, the weather gets really cold. I really shiver a lot at night, and I often wake up with my blanket still close to me, which is rather rare. I often wake up feeling feverish, and it's a horrible feeling. Then when the training begins the feeling starts to wear off again, till the next day where the cycle begins.

When we go back to our homes, we often feel very sick. I'm not sure why I feel this way, I often feel very weak and tired, having tons of headaches and giddiness, cough and sore throat but I got a feeling that it's normal.

Sometimes I wonder it's a miracle that I've yet to fall sick through these circumstances. Oh well, I hope everything will end 9th December and I won't ever need to go back.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

Loneliness

Is just another way of filling up the blank spaces of my heart.

As each day gets by, it's getting physically and mentally tougher. I have no idea how the hell I was able to go through this entire week without falling sick, it's a bloody miracle but I just did it.

If this is what we have to go through week after week, I really don't know when I would suffer from a total breakdown. Physically wise my body can't take anymore of such, mentally my mind is still strong, but anytime it would do a complete breakdown. Thankfully weekend came along and rescued me.

When the training gets tougher, I realized my mind starts to wander off a lot. I start to hallucinate about stuffs from the past, from love ones to my deepest fear, especially today. I can feel I'm breaking down mentally already.

I'm a loner, everyone knows that, I don't open my mouth to talk to anyone, I prefer being a silent observer, sitting by the side. I ain't someone who can start a conversation, but what surprise me is that I'm afraid of being lonely. It's like I rather have someone standing beside me who doesn't talk to me, or some person whom I really hate, rather than nobody at all.

It comes with this theory. Today we had group run, and we had to run for quite a long period of time, so we had to go in pairs. Naturally I'm left out of picture from my mates as usual, so I partnered someone new. So we jog side by side even though we never knew each other, and we never really talked much, except to check timing and telling each other that we can make it.

It's a damn good feeling to have someone following me step by step, encouraging me mentally that I'm not alone in this and motivated to pace together with him even though I know I can't take it anymore with all those exhaustion and dizziness. There's so many times I really wanted to fall out, but I told myself, "If he can, why not me?" and forced myself to finish it.

If he wasn't around, I think I would have given up. That's the difference.

Sometimes at night, outside training, I wished I could have someone to call to every night. So what if I'm jealous of all my bunkmates who could call their someone special every night? I mean it's true, I really wished there was someone to talk to, who can listen to my grumbling at night, and someone who can motivate and give me the confidence that I can pull it through.

As it gets tougher, it can make a lot of difference, really. It starts to dawn on me the importance of being in a stable relationship during this point of time. Photos won't help much, but listening to a voice of someone whom I can trust would make so much of a difference to me.

Oh well I guess it's all fated.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

The Way It Is

I hate Sundays.

Dreading the moment you wake up and you realize that another tough week is about to begin.

Every day feels like a struggle, a struggle for survival, and every night before I sleep, I will pray to any god and thank him or her that I made it through another day without any incident. If by any bad luck that incidents happen, I would pray that I won't repeat such mistakes again, learn from it, forget it and move on.

There's nothing much left in my tank already. I'm exhausted physically and mentally. Sometimes I wish I could just give up and walk off, but that's not whom I'm supposed to be. The only few things that keep me running is the thoughts of my family and friends, my kids and purely determination and instinct.

I really thankful that Far East has trained me to adapt into such situations. However sometimes I wish I could hear a voice at night and tell me that everything's gonna be alright and I make pull through these stages of my life.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

Puddle Of Mudd - We Don't Have To Look Back Now

I’m so much like you
Restless and reckless
I need a clue
So show me a sign
I feel like making a move
Real geographic
A changing mood
Well let go of everything we know

You and I’ll ride tonight
Till the past is out of sight
We don’t have to look back now
From the dark into the light
We can leave it all behind
We can stand together
We don’t have look back now

I’m so much like you
Caught in the moment
Coming unglued
In a world so big
It’s not easy to choose
Which path to take
Which part to move
So let go of everything we've ever known

You and I’ll ride tonight
Till the past is out of sight
We don’t have to look back now
From the dark into the light
We can leave it all behind
We can stand together
We don’t have look back now

No one can stop us now
The world is rushing by
The wind is at our back
Everything is new tonight
We're going our own way
No matter what they say
The bridge is on fire
We're flying higher now

You and I’ll ride tonight
Till the past is out of sight
We don’t have to look back now
We are knocking down the wall
All for one and one for all
We can stand together
Never gonna look back now
No, no, no, no
We don’t have to look back now
No, no, no, no
We don’t have to look back now





Realms of my own reality...

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Beach

It was an evening.

The sunlight shined its final rays before darkness.

We were quietly walking down the shores of the beach, feeling the cold sea breeze to our faces.

It was just me and her only.

She turned around, and so did I.

She wanted to say something to me, but I didn't catch it.

It's depressing when dreams starts to play these kind of tricks on me, especially when you are totally exhausted and you can't think properly.

Yes, I do miss her, I think about her a lot. She's so far from me now, that's the frustrating part.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

Meltdown

The global market will meltdown really soon.

If you ask me the truth, there's just no way we can turn this around, it's just a matter of time now. Blame it on the US sub-prime market woes months back.

It's going to be quite an interesting proposition. Imagine a world without money, there's going to be so much chaos, it's going to be a world filled with theft and riot. Your $1600 ring will be worthless by the time the market meltdown.

Now it's the time to think carefully before you purchase anything. It's the time to buy what you need for survival and to live, not what you want anymore, like luxurious items (PS3).

It doesn't really affect me as much, but I guess my PS3 will have to wait till the market stabilize.

In any case the market really meltdown, the world is going to change drastically for the worse. Nowhere is safe anymore.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

Be A Leader

To be a leader, or not to be.

I think many people out there wants to be a leader, no doubt. You get to lead people and see how far you can bring them within these few months.

For me, I relish being a leader. I mean it's really fun, you get to learn new things, being in the know of it and all, but I have got to admit that I don't really have the required skills and confidence to become a proficient leader in this organization, heck I am not interested as well. This is the point of time I would step back, let other people lead and see how good they can be.

Okay la, I had my lion share of being a leader, but the days are all behind me. It's time to start afresh, sit back and relax.

It's really important to get the right leader. Having right leaders means followers like us would have someone to look up to, and someone we can respect. If we get wrong people for the role... Oh well, you get the idea.

There's a certain number of characteristics people look out for a leader. I was a leader who had to choose leaders, so I know what they look out for. Generally it's the same in everything, but they have added criteria which I can't mention. For an example, being selfish won't help in being a leader, and being popular won't help either.

Looking at my Opera and Qihua team, my leaders weren't built on all these as well. You got to choose people they look up to, and they respect the person totally.

They had a survey the other day. They want to see who is suitable for the leadership roles. Me being me, I sat back, relax and watched all around me. I pretend I was working hard for the survey, but I was looking people all around me and thinking, if I was a follower, who would I choose to lead me?

Looking at the hands raised all around me, I was quietly choosing people myself that I think will be an efficient leader. Of course, there are some whom I sneered off immediately, they believe they are the best when they are not, and the others I feel they ain't there yet. However, they are some I believe who can be good leaders even though they don't notice, like one of my bunk mates.

At least they are trying to show they want to be leaders even though I think most people don't have the caliber to be become one. For me I have my own different agenda in life, my priority is to prevent my knees from injury again, and I'm really happy to be who I am.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

The Used - The Taste Of Ink

Is it worth the can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away
We'll drink and dance the night away

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this

(As long as you're alive here I am..)

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
So long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
So long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

October 7th

1 year older already. I'm already not a teen anymore, it feels depressing.

Thanks to everyone who greeted me on my birthday. Your messages made my day, I forgot who greeted me but I really do appreciate it.

Thanks to my mates as well, and leaving biscuits, can drinks and bottles on my bed. I don't know who left it there, but thanks yea.

Anyway, don't wish me happy birthday la. No point because it made me feel more depressed about my age only *sob* ='(





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com

Exercise Regime

I am planning a simple exercise regime for myself.

I have yet to really push myself at the moment. I'm trying my best but I'm not pushing to my maximum ability yet. I have not yet find the need to, but I'm sure soon enough I'll be forced to show what I can do.

Of course I can only do so much, even at my best ability there's a limit to my own skills and I ain't superman with pink underwear. Even if I were to push myself, there's always 1 feared category that I can never perform at all.

Dreaded pull ups.

That's something I have to really work on. As for the rest, it's quite achievable in terms of maximum points, except the 2.4km run, about a 3-4 pointer. I'll work on it with a separate training regime (I've planned and bought the item I need, but yet to start on it), but not as much as pull ups.

I was talking to a really good friend just now, and we were talking about on how to train for pull-ups when he told me of such information:

As quoted from the conversation:

"Strength is the maximum the muscle can do in a mid time, or short time (but not in a burst)"

"Power is strength+speed, like burst of strength, endurance is for long term"

"Train strength usually 3-4 sets of 4-6RM, endurance usually like 5 sets of 8-12 RM"

"Pull up needs the few arms/shoulders strength/endurance"

Because of him, now I feel really educated about on what I should do.

Using the assisted chin up machine, I'll start with 3 sets of 6 RM, and then progressively I'll move on to do 4 sets of 5 RM with lighter loads, and slowly and surely I can make it. This training regime includes push ups of diamonds, normal and wide, doing dips and training of grip muscles using grippers.

Achieving 6 chin ups in 10 weeks, I wonder the feasibility of it, but I guess I'll start small and pray I can get at least 1 chin up as soon as possible.

We both also talked about signing on, but that is a totally different scenario. I'll tell you the answer at the end, but I'll see how much I can push without injuring myself. My knees are feeling the pain, it's bearable, but I'll consult my doctor soon to assess the injury again.

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I miss my kids a lot.

I treat them like my own sons and daughters, and being away from them feels torturous. I hate this feeling and I want to be beside them to watch them grow up.

I really like kids a lot. They can be bad at times, kids will be kids, but they sure can put a smile on your face anytime.

When this whole episode is over, I'm going to fulfill a lifelong goal: I'm going to volunteer for any low key charity for the kids.





Realms of my own reality...

Drop a mail @ shengapura@gmail.com